


Loveshack But It’s A Cave And Is Gayer

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Barebacking, Boypussy, Breeding, Choking, Dirty Talk, Fingering, Gender Is Fake, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hand Kink, Hot Springs, How Do I Tag, Implied Breeding, Kissing, Oral Sex, Other, Passionate Sex, Piercings, Post-Sburb, Post-Sburb (Homestuck), Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Reader-Insert, Smut, Trans Male Reader, Transmasc reader, binders, genital piercings, homestuck in 2021, mentions of roserezi, oof, pussy, trans reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29228268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: You and Ultimate Dirk are alone in the cavern where the theseus crash landed, and have a discussion about rekindling humanity.
Relationships: Dirk Strider/Reader, Rose Lalonde - Relationship, Rosebot - Relationship, Terezi Pyrope - Relationship, Ultimate Dirk/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31
Collections: Anonymous





	Loveshack But It’s A Cave And Is Gayer

Terezi and Rosebot were out somewhere in nature, gathering fauna from the environment that you crash landed Theseus on. Likely, the two were also making love out in a field somewhere, leaving you and the Ultimate version of your friend, Dirk, alone in a cave, formulating plans together.

You glanced up at the outside of the cave, seeing the sun of the foreign planet setting on the horizon, dusting the sky a deep purple and red. Days were long here, or they at least felt that way, though it had been mentioned by Dirk that they were simply longer than the days you had been used to on Earth C. Needless to say, you were exhausted, but there was still work that needed to be done.

You shook your head, rubbing your eyes before looking up at the man on the other side of the kotatsu. He glanced up at you from beneath his angular shades, nodding and stretching. 

“It’s getting late, is it not?” Dirk asked you. You nodded, scratching your head and yawning, stretching your arms, feeling a bone pop in your elbow. You grimaced.

“We still have to have a discussion about what we’re going to do about the species creation thing. We obviously can’t just throw two random things together and expect a halfway decent outcome,” you explained. He nodded, writing something down on the paper in front of him. 

“We, in theory, could do that,” Dirk stated, “however, it would not hold as much grandeur and weight as I would want it to be. But what other way might there be to create a species? To try again and again at the same thing and expect a different result at the end of it?” You shook your head, dismissing his idea halfheartedly.

“That is the definition of insanity, but what other choice do we have?” You asked him. He shrugged and looked back down at his paper. A few moments passed, the cavern getting darker as the sun set beyond where you could see, dusk rapidly falling. You heard Dirk sigh.

“We don’t have to create a new species, do we?” He asked. You cocked your head to the side. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly what I said. We don’t have to create a new species, correct? We could always simply use humans or trolls.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“How would we get any humans or any grubs? There’s plenty of holes in that idea, Dirk. You must be tired.” You stood from your place and walked over to him, grabbing his hand and helping him up. He nodded, standing taller than you, your face to his neck. 

“Let’s go to bed, we have a long day tomorrow, though before that, I’d like to expand on what I said,” Dirk spoke as he walked further into the cave to where you had set up your bed spaces. You nodded and followed him further into the dark. Dirk noticed your troubles with vision, and grabbed a hold of your hand, holding his other hand out and illuminating the passageway with a vibrant magenta light. 

Eventually, the two of you came to your room, two beds on opposing ends of the room. He brought his hand up and illuminated the torches in the room with the same pink, magic energy from earlier. Some Ultimate Tier shenanigans, you assumed. You walked over to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it. 

“So, what did you mean by what you said?” You asked. Dirk sat down on his bed next to you.

“I- on second thought, would not like to elaborate. My head was in a different place,” he responded.

“Oh, I am curious though. Any idea is an idea, perhaps talking about it would lead us to a better conclusion!” You exclaimed, chipper. Dirk sighed.

“You and I, we are compatible. Genetically speaking. That is what I meant.” Dirk shifted uncomfortably, looking away from you. You thought for a moment before your face turned red.

“Dirk! I- well, you know I- I don’t want to be pregnant. Unless there’s an alternative where we take eggs and sperm and- well- could we?” You asked, genuinely curious. 

“Well, I suppose we could. It would be difficult to extract eggs from you, though, so… what would need to happen, in theory of course, would be…” he trailed off, “-would be for me to… how do I put this… well, I would need to put my semen… inside of you. And take the fetus… at an early stage… out? Using god tier magic, of course, and some tomfoolery. I’d be careful obviously. Why would I not be?” Dirk trailed off on a tangent, arguing with himself for a moment. You sat, watching him. It was entertaining, but very very embarrassing. He would need to fuck you? Or at least have his seed enter your body? You wouldn’t say you hadn’t thought about him in such a venereal manner before… but not in this way. But maybe… maybe he wouldn’t turn you down if you offered your body. To help with the game, of course. 

“I wouldn’t be against it,” you mentioned, making him look up with a semi shocked expression. “I mean, there might need to be boundaries if you do mean that you are… formally… copulating with me…” you stuttered, blushing. You couldn’t believe you were saying that. Frankly, by the looks of it, he couldn’t either.

“Well then,” Dirk took a deep breath. “Would you be against starting this trial? I mean, we are in a setting in which we can do so, I presume? Unless you are currently in your menstrual cycle, though I think I would have noticed your behavioral changes and pains.” You hid your face in your hands. You should not be this happy, nor this turned on by the thought of Dirk breeding you. Oh god, he’s breeding you. He’s using you for his game and oh that should not be that hot.

“What do you say to this? Any objections?” Dirk asked. You took a deep breath and shook your head.

“I raise no objections to your sexual advances, Mr. Strider,” you spoke clearly. He blushed, scooting in closer to you, reaching out and planting a kiss on your cheek.

“Then we shall begin.”

Dirk stroked your cheek, looking into your eyes from behind his shades before leaning in and kissing you. You immediately kissed him back, placing your hand on his shoulder and scooting in so your thighs were touching. Dirk nibbled at your lip, lapping and shoving his tongue through your lips. You groaned, tilting your head to the side He slipped his hand up your shirt, making your eyes shoot open.

“D-Dirk!” You exclaimed as he tugged at your shirt. 

“If you hadn’t noticed already,” Dirk leaned in close to your ear, whispering. “I need you. Bad.” He punctuated his statement with a kiss on your neck. You whined, grabbing the chain that kept his cape on and pulling him on top of you. He grunted, leaning up, tsking.

“You want me too, huh?” He asked. Dirk took off his cape, throwing it to the floor, grabbing the corner of his shirt and pulling it over his head, throwing it to the cape. He pulled off his glasses, placing them on the nightstand. “Say it then, go on.” You leaned in close to him, running your hands along the scars on his chest and arms, before looking back up at him. For a moment, you swore you could see a desperation in him, one you mirrored.

“I need you.” You leaned in and kissed him, tongues dancing as he carefully slid your shirt up, grazing over the binder you wore. He parted, pulling your shirt off. 

“Binder on or off? I want you to be comfortable,” Dirk asked. 

“Off, I need to be able to breathe,” you explained. “Plus, I’ve had it on all day.” Dirk nodded, moving away from you momentarily, allowing you to tug it off. Dirk’s eyes ran over your body, hungry, half lidded. He leaned back into you, kissing across your neck and down your chest.

“You’re so handsome…” he whispered, hands grasping at your hands. He looked up at you, and you were blushing. “Awh, don’t be embarrassed, darling,” he told you. “Dirk’s gonna take good care of you, alright?” You nodded quickly, eyes squeezed shut. 

Dirk kissed down your stomach, before pressing his cheek against it, nuzzling into your tummy. You raised an eyebrow, blushing. 

“You’re just so warm, baby. God, I could cuddle you all day. So cute,” he praised. Your face got hotter as he nudged into the cleft of your belly button, kissing just under it. You giggled a little at this action. “Warm, soft, perfect for me. So perfect, you know that, right?” Dirk pulled away, snapping the edge of your pants, eliciting a squeak from you. Dirk looked up, asking for your permission. You nodded, and he pulled off your undergarments, leaving you bare. He stood from the bed for a moment and pulled down his pants and boxers as well. 

You stated at him as he stated back at you. A shock of arousal soared to your groin as you got a good look at him. He was pierced. Three little Jacob’s Ladder bars along his shaft, and he was pretty damn big too. You were hungry for him, and by the looks of it, he was hungry for you too. Dirk climbed back onto the bed, kissing you. 

“Move over for me baby, rest your head on this pillow. I’m gonna make you feel good, okay?” Dirk kissed down your stomach, biting and licking at your thighs. You shuddered as his breath tickled at your sensitive flesh. “Lemme suck that pretty little dick of yours.” Dirk nudged your thighs open, making you blush. 

He leaned in and kissed your clit, making you jump. He licked along your opening, tongue lapping at you. He nuzzled closer, groaning and sucking at your clit. 

“God, you taste so good,” Dirk moaned into you, making you gasp and whimper. “I love those cute little noises you make, oh they make me feel so good baby-“ Dirk took his tongue and licked at your entrance, running around the edge. Your hands gripped the sheets under you as he just barely fucked his tongue into you, teasing you terribly. 

“Diiiiirk-!” You whined. He chuckled, sending vibrations to your core. You shivered.

“Fuck, baby, you’re- mngh- so good for me, huh? Ghh- so good. Perfect- so fucking perfect,” Dirk praised. You were seeing stars as his tongue fucked you open, vibrations of his deep baritone voice sending you reeling. You felt his hands grip at your thighs, tight and grounding as he gave you what was probably the best oral of your life. You were in heaven. 

Dirk continued to fuck you with his tongue, sucking and licking and rutting into the bed to get some form of relief himself. You moaned as he hummed while sucking at your clit, a low growl emitting from his throat. He looked up at you, tangerine eyes piercing through yours with his venereal gaze. 

He held your thighs apart, squeezing and leaving what would likely be embarrassing bruises later. You didn’t care right now, right now, all you cared about was him, and about how quickly you were approaching your peak thanks to the god between your legs.

“Fucking hell- aah! Dirk! Jesus! Where’d you learn- how to- haah- do that with y-aah! Your tongue?” Dirk laughed, licking a stripe up your clit. 

“A magician never reveals his secrets. Now, I want you to tell me if you’re uncomfortable, alright? We can stop at any time,” Dirk explained. You nodded in agreement and he stood up, making you whine. He opened his chest that he kept by his bed and took out a bottle of lube, crawling back into bed with you. 

“Now, where were we?” Dirk leaned back in, planting a kiss on your clit. You blushed and he smirked, uncapping the lube. He poured some onto his fingers and set it down. Dirk kissed your thigh and slid in one of his fingers. 

You jumped at the sensation, feeling him crook his finger so that it rubbed right against your g-spot. Your face had to be beet red at this point, and the expression on Dirk’s face was not helping. He rubbed up against it, causing you to gasp and moan. He started pumping his finger in and out before inserting a second, scissoring you. 

“You look so pretty from here, such a pretty little boycunt. You’re doing so well for me, so damn good. You’re making me so hard, god, I can hardly fucking wait to be inside of you.” Dirk trailed his other hand down to touch himself. He squeezed the tip of his cock, groaning and curling his fingers inside of you. 

He teased himself, barely rubbing the tip of his head before adding a third finger. You threw your head back, wincing a bit. Dirk noticed and slowed his roll, taking care to properly stretch you open. You felt yourself squeezing his fingers, your wetness dripping on him. 

“You’re really that turned on just from my fingers?” Dirk chuckled.

“I- like your h-hands-“ you admitted. “Don’t have a.. haah… hand thing or- whatever but- fuck-! They’re sexy, love them. Love you.” Dirk flushed at the admission, tsking.

“Baby, you should have told me earlier. You could have felt this so much sooner.” Dirk punctuated his statement with a rub against your g-spot, making you gasp and quiver. “Are you ready? I need to know. I don’t want to hurt you,” Dirk asked.

“Yes yes please please please oh my fuck-!” You moaned, bucking your hips into him. 

“So needy, but fuck if I don’t love it. Spread your legs for me, love,” Dirk commanded. You complied quickly, as he climbed above you and slicked himself up with lube, throwing the bottle back over his shoulder, the bottle landing out of sight.

“Dirk… please-“ Dirk pecked you on the lips, silencing you.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry, I’m here, I’m here, alright? Tell me if it hurts or if you need me to stop, okay?” You nodded, eyes squeezed shut as he placed himself at your entrance and slowly slid in. 

It was like a puzzle piece, you slotted together perfectly and god did it feel good, it felt complete. It felt like heaven. 

“Are you okay?” Dirk asked above you. You were blissed out, staring up at him half lidded. You felt him hold your hand. “Are you alright?” He asked again. You nodded faintly. He kissed your cheek, burying his face in your neck as he pushed the rest of the way in. 

As he pushed into you, you felt like you were seeing stars. Sure, it hurt a bit, but god it felt so good. You never wanted it to end. Dirk remained still for a moment, lapping and sucking at your neck almost hungrily. He nibbled a bit, making you tense up. He laughed into your neck, and you could feel his smile as he kissed just beneath your ear. 

“Are you ready, babe?” Dirk asked, his voice full of what sounded like love, like adoration. You nodded, dazed. “I’m gonna need some clearer consent than that, okay? You seem out of it? Do you need us to stop?” 

“Please just… fuck me already, D-dirk…” You stammered. Dirk smirked. 

“Alright, then. Hold on tight.” Dirk slowly pulled out nearly all the way, then pushed back in. He started to fuck into you slowly. You threw your head back, eyes fluttering shut out of bliss. Dirk groaned, kissing you and sliding his tongue past your lips, circling your mouth before pulling away for breath, a trail of saliva connecting your tongues.

“Fuck, you’re so tight, god, I love you so much. So perfect for me. Perfect for my cock, so good for me, perfect-!” Dirk thrusted up deeper into you, rubbing perfectly against your g-spot, fucking you deep and hard and perfect. Your eyes squeezed shut and you bit your lip, trying to mask the moans and noises you made. Clearly, Dirk didn’t like this, as he snuck his hands around your neck.

“Don’t hide those pretty little sounds you’re making, please, baby, please- fuck!” Dirk gasped as he sped up the pace. “Please, can I- can- can I choke you-? Please oh fuck fuck fuck please, oh my god-” You nodded quickly, whining. Dirk’s hands gripped your neck, pushing gently against the sides of your throat, being careful not to squeeze your windpipe. You gasped, moaning as he pounded into you, hands holding your neck, restricting air flow.

“Fuck, hhah, please, Dirk.... mmm…” You took in a sharp breath, “More, please, ffffffuck-!” Dirk began thrusting into you harder, hands squeezing your neck. He sped up the pace, moaning. His perfectly styled hair was falling out of place as a bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. His face was stained rosy pink, and he looked beautiful, the noises he made were beautiful. He was perfect.

Dirk’s hands strayed away from your neck as he leaned in and kissed you, one hand holding him up, and the other sliding down to your clit as he rubbed it lightly, moaning into your lips as he fucked up into you, piercings rubbing deliciously up against you, adding extra stimulation. With the combination of his lips on yours, his fingers stroking your cunt, and his dick pounding deep into you, you came. Hard.

You screamed in ecstasy, eyes thrown back into your head as you orgasmed. You didn’t just climax, no minor relief that you would get through little jerk off sessions every once in a while while you were alone. You felt pure bliss flood your body. 

“Fuuuuck! You’re so tight, so good, I’m gonna fucking cum- I can’t hold back- I can’t- I’m- mm- aaAH-!” Dirk came, shaking and grasping at the bedsheets under you as he pumped you full of his cum. You trembled, and he kissed you, slowly pulling out of you. He peppered kisses all over your face before leaning back up and flopping over next to you.

“So,” Dirk began. “That was… a thing. We just did.” You nodded, still breathing heavily. 

“Yeah… hah… sure was,” you replied. 

“It was nice. That was really, really nice.” You giggled, looking over at him.

“Just nice?” 

“Fuck, it was amazing. I’ve never cum harder in my life,” he admitted. 

“I don’t remember the last orgasm I had like that either. Between little climaxes here and there… I was so pent up.” Dirk nodded, his hand snaking down to yours, holding it.

“Absolutely. I don’t remember the last time I even had a really good masturbation session, if I’m honest. Work consumes me, these days,” he explained. 

“We should change that. Weekly sex or something.” Dirk laughed.

“Only weekly?” He asked.

“I mean, more often than that if I had any say in it,” you said.

“Well you do, so what do you recommend?” Dirk asked.

“I think we can just do this kind of thing whenever, you know? If we had a bad day, or if we're really feeling it,” you told him. 

“Seconded.” You nodded, rolling over onto him and pulling up the covers.

“Bed time now,” you said.

“Hold on now, let’s get you some water and a bath at least, alright?” Dirk spoke. You rolled your eyes, standing up from bed tiredly. Dirk stood up as well, grabbing two towels from a drawer and walking with you further back into the cave, leading you two to a hot spring.

“The PH is fine, and there’s no contamination in the water. Feel free to have a swim, just watch out for stalagmites,” he spoke. You nodded, stepping into a large and steamy pool of water, being careful not to slip. You sunk in, before yelling back to Dirk.

“Get in here, loser!” You yelled out to him, he placed your towels on the floor, grabbing a bar of soap from out of the folds of the towel and stepping into the springs right next to you. He handed you the bar, and you took it, smelling it. 

“Mmm, smells like soap!” Dirk giggled, pointing to the symbol carved in the top.

“It’s supposed to be Japanese cherry blossoms, hence the little flower. I think it smells nice, but kind of soapy,” he told you. Nodding in agreement, you lathered the soap up in the water. 

“I mean, it’s soap, so that’s to be expected.” You ran the bar across your arms and your chest, standing in order to wash your legs and back, as well as your nether regions. Dirk watched intently, and you feigned embarrassment as you covered your chest and looked away. He snickered, and crooked a finger. 

“Cute little schoolboy… person? What’s a gender neutral schoolgirl or schoolboy term? Student?” You giggled, sitting back down next to him. “My little tsundere love interest.”

“I’m not a tsundere!” You exclaimed. 

“That’s exactly what a tsundere would say,” Dirk pointed out. You scoffed.

“Whatever! It’s not like I like you or anything!” To this, Dirk laughed.

“ああ、でも私はあなたを愛しています !” Dirk spoke. You cocked your head to the side. “Listen, if you were stuck in space for a hot second, you might want to learn google translate Japanese too.” 

“Yeah but what the fuck did you say to me just now?” You interrogated. 

“I said that I loved you,” he spoke.

“Oh,” you said, before your face turned beet red. “Do you?”

“I just fucking hammered you into the bed like a jackrabbit in heat, I fucking adore you,” Dirk threw his arm around your shoulder.

“I love you too,” you gave Dirk a kiss on the cheek before handing him the bar of soap. “Now, it’s your turn to wash up!”

“Alright, if you insist,” Dirk stood, washing his chest and arms in the same manner you did, lathering himself in soap all over his body, up to his neck before sitting back down again, rubbing the soap off of his body. “The water’s super nice.”

“Hell yes. Alien hot springs are a very integral part of our plan.” Dirk golf clapped as to agree with you before standing up and handing you a towel.

“It’s late, and I’m tired. We can laze around in the springs tomorrow if you would like. We did a lot of work today, and after tonight’s unforeseen yet positive events, I’m sure you would like a break tomorrow,” he explained. You stood, taking a towel and drying yourself off with it before wrapping it around your waist. “I have no doubts that you will be sore.” You blushed, nodding. 

Dirk walked you back to the bedroom. He opened a drawer, handing you one of his shirts and boxers. You put these on, climbing into bed as he changed into his own pajamas. Dirk snapped, energy of the light in the room swirling at his fingertips before entering back into his body. He laid down next to you, scooting in close, blankets over top of both of you.

“I love you,” Dirk whispered, kissing you on the nose.

“I love you too,” you replied in a hushed voice, wrapping your arms around him as the two of you fell into your deep slumber, wrapped in each other’s arms.

. . .

Meanwhile, in a field somewhere in the dark, two lovers sat side by side.

“Terezi, I would not recommend returning to the cave in which we reside on any normal occasion,” Rose explained to Terezi, who was picking apart a flower and smelling each individual petal.

“Why not?” Terezi asked.

“I would not want to intrude on their dance of copulation, and I would assume that you would not want to either,” Rose replied. 

“Oh,” Terezi made a face, “Oh so they FUCKING!”


End file.
